Now that the festive season is over, normality returns with a deluge of reflection and a dash of hope.
Part of normality to me is blogging and so I welcome you to the new Read ‘N Riot site, which is arguably a symptom of that New Year Feeling. There’s nothing like something shiny and new to give you a burst of inspiration, which I felt I was lacking towards the end of last year. However, I think it’s important to remember that it is determination above all else that will keep you hooked on any new habits, which is what I wanted to talk about in this post.
I wanted a fresh site with a proper domain and the new year seemed to be a fitting time for it, but you don’t have to wait for the first day of the year, week, month, or anything to do something new. In fact, I published this site before the new year (one day before to be precise), because I had a sneaking suspicion that my optimism was slipping and if I didn’t do it soon, I wouldn’t do it at all. My lack of self-belief was even reflected in the about section of this site, where a friend pointed out I’d called myself a ‘wannabe’ writer. I’ve since changed that and resigned to at least start acting like I have a little more confidence in myself than I do. I’m determined to.
The path to believing in yourself is rocky and not necessarily linear, especially considering there are several factors in play when it comes to our feelings towards ourselves. Though I went to sleep little more than exhausted at midnight on New Year’s Day, I awoke later that morning tight-chested and nauseous. I found myself contemplating the year that had passed and becoming anxious about the future. Why is it that it’s so easy to remember everything you felt you did wrong in a year, but nothing you might have done right? For me, fixating on my failures is a lot easier than celebrating any success, but I am determined not to continue to let that be the case.
In a world full of far more threatening adversaries (a global pandemic seems like quite the extreme boss level to me) I refuse to be my biggest one. So, instead of giving in to the siren sadness, I decided to organise myself for the things I can control in the year ahead. One of these things happened to be my reading, which I like to track with a reading journal, one I can’t wait to show you in a future post. And there you have it. That’s one thing I get to look forward to.
While thinking about the new year, I realised the biggest lesson I learned last year was how unpredictable life can be. In bad ways, yes, but also in good ways. And I don’t say this from the perspective of someone who previously thought life could be drawn out like a treasure map but from the perspective of someone who wants to stress the difference between knowing something and truly understanding it. In life, things will happen to us, and they might suck, but we also get to choose how to respond to them, how to move on from them. On the other hand, they might be good—great even—and you need to choose to embrace those things no matter how big or small, or how little you might think you deserve them.
2021 also showed me the value in being grateful for the things you do have, the people you have around you that make life a little easier, and those who might believe in you. I’m determined to remember to believe in myself even when it’s hard because if other people can, there must be a reason they want to, right? I’ll get back to you on that one.
I’m not one to share my resolutions because I predict having to share my failures (which I know goes against believing in myself. I did say it’s not a linear process), but I will tentatively say that I am excited to purge my thoughts here a little more, potentially expand the scope of my content in the coming year and maybe pick up some more lovely readers along the way.
If you were doubting it, everything is and will be fine, even if it looks bad or uncertain right now. I hope you have a happy and healthy New Year!
Read 'N Riot 