Note to Self: Perfection is the Enemy

If inspiration is a summer fling and motivation a spouse, perfection is the enemy, the professional seductress that thrives on breaking up happy and settled relationships. At one time, you are so in love and then your eyes—almost without you noticing—begin to stray, your attention to falter. Seeking perfection makes you think of what could be. It is the harbinger of writer’s block, of self-doubt, of giving up.

When writing anything, when producing a draft, looking for it to be at its best right away can prevent it from existing at all. This happens to me all the time when attempting to write fiction, and I can’t quite figure out why, but I would like for it to change. Can I apply the philosophy I’ve developed for my blog to my other writing, for which having something readable to post is enough? Will I ever be able to extend the idea to fiction that if I’m searching for ‘perfect’ I’ll only die (or write nothing) before I find it? I vote yes. I used to think I would be unable to blog for fear of what people would think and now I do it with ease, writing and editing my pieces faster than I thought myself capable.

The reason I find it so unsettling that I cannot finish my stories is that when I first started writing to occupy my time at eleven or twelve years old, ensuring my whatever I wrote ‘good’ was not something that crossed my mind while drafting. In fact, I was far more invested in my goal of writing out my story in its entirety, which I did, by hand on loose sheets of a lined, A4 refill pad. I did not spare a thought for how ‘good’ what I had written was, only caring that I had told a story. I had no sense of comparison, only a blind excitement. Now, looking back at it, though it makes me cringe, I’m proud of my younger self for recognising what she wanted to do and seeing it through to the end. Really, I envy who I was, how I used to write.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I recognise that what I might have written then was most likely bad, but I do wish I had the same penchant for seeing my stories through to the end as I did then. The number of unfinished ideas for novels and short stories I have increases by the year, as does my disappointment in myself for being unable or unwilling to finish them. I tend to reach a point where I decide my idea is bad, my writing is bad, my characters bad, and I might as well give up before I waste any more of my time. It rarely matters how much I’m enjoying the process of writing, only that I’ve let a moment’s self-doubt stretch on long enough to take root and grow. Then I move on to the next idea, promising I will see this one through to the end and breaking that promise too. I recognise that it is not perfection I am seeking, but an excuse for procrastination.

All is not lost, however, because all it takes to make a change is a decision and a plan to get around this kind of procrastination. So, I decided that I would take on the task of completing the two novels I’ve started in the past two years which are both over halfway to completion. Luckily, I already had plans in place, I was just too scared to see them through. With that sorted, I also decided to treat my first drafts like a sketch. How can I see where all my components are or if everything is in the right place if I do not put down a rough sketch first? Following that decision, I plan to write what I can and fix any issues when I can see them as a part of a whole, rather than as separate parts altogether.

Having implemented these things, I am now only a few chapters away from finishing something I started in 2020 with a completely new mindset which I, for once, think might be working, and I believe I owe it to writing for this blog. I allow myself to write until I’ve seen to it that what I wanted to produce exists, uninterrupted by the jeering voice in my head that finds creative ways to tell me that what I’ve written is awful. There will be no more detours in the form of other stories either, not until I’m done. I’ll save those ideas for later.