Picture this: you’ve just finished a life-changing book, given it a 5-star rating and rush to sing its praises to your friends without spoiling it because they just have to read it. One of your friends seems really into your glowing review, so much so that you can see what’s coming before it happens. When everyone else has moved on, they’re still wondering about that book, questioning you about it… Then they ask to borrow it. Do you:
- Say ‘Yes, my wonderful friend, of course, you can borrow my book.’
- Say ‘no’, remaining very firm on your boundaries and suggest they find a way to read it themselves.
- Panic because it feels like there is no right answer to the question.
Each of the above answers is entirely valid, and the last one is extremely common because there is so much that goes into making that decision. Lending your books to friends, colleagues, or family members is a practice that divides book lovers as much as dog-earing pages and annotating books. Some believe it should never be done, others believe it is the essence of reading, but is there a right or wrong answer to whether you should lend out your books? Once again, yes and no. Yes, because you need to establish the right answer for yourself. And no because your answer does not have to apply to everyone.
In this post, I hope to help you decide whether lending other people your books is right for you.
3 Reasons to Lend Your Books to Friends
If you have friends you can trust, lending your books to them can be a great way to share new stories and create new activities and discussions where they may not have been before. So, if you’re undecided, here is why you might want to consider sharing your books:
Sustainability
Not only is it cheaper to share books with your book-loving friends, but it’s also a more sustainable way to read as you reduce the number of new books being bought. While I’m all for supporting authors and writing by buying new books, especially indie ones, I am also aware that our planet is suffering, and taking little steps like sharing your books with your friends is a great way to slow down that suffering whilst also getting more to read for free.
It’s Like a Book Club
One of the most enjoyable parts of reading is talking about the things you’ve read. Whether they make a lasting impression or not, having in-depth discussions about the books you’ve read will become a lot easier if you can encourage your friends to read the same books as you by letting them read your copy. If you can, work out a schedule for when these books need to be read and returned for the best quality dicussions.
You Can Compare Annotations
If you aren’t afraid of a little bit of writing and highlighting in your books, instead of just allowing your friend to read your book, you can give them free rein to annotate in the margins too and have a running commentary on what they were thinking while reading the book too. Comparing and contrasting these annotations can be a lot of fun. Do you agree on anything? Did your friend work out the twist before it happened? Were they revolted by a moment between two characters you thought was cute?
While you can discuss all of this after reading the book without any annotations, the book with both of your annotations in it becomes more than just a book and gives you more of a reason to hold on to it. Yes, you may have fond memories of an untouched book, but it’s a great feeling to flip through a book and find a friend’s anguished scribbles in the margins.
3 Reasons NOT to Lend Your Books to Friend
When a friend asks to borrow a book, what they’re actually asking—whether they know it or not—is whether you trust them enough to give it back in the same condition. All you need as a reminder that people hardly respect their own possessions let alone the possessions of others is to enter a shared public space. So, there are definitely a few things you need to keep in mind before you decide to give your books to anyone:
You’re Never Seeing that Book Again
There are a lot of things we say we want to do and mean it, but sometimes we put it off so much that it seems we will never get to it. Such is life. But when a book that you really care about hangs in the balance, it can create a stressful situation. If you lend someone a book without any timeline for when you want it back, you could end up missing that book for over a year or—depending on the circumstances—forever.
Thanks to being the girl at school with all the stationery you could ever want in her bag, I learnt quite quickly that often when people say ‘borrow’, they mean ‘keep forever’, or ‘lose’. Unfortunately, while it’s not your fault if you lend something out in good faith and never receive it back, it should be something you expect. If you are not okay with the possibility of not receiving your book back, then it’s probably best not to risk letting go of them in the first place.
That Book is Coming Back Damaged
We’ve all accidentally spilt something on a book before, dropped it, curled a cover page, or unintentionally cracked a spine. While this is part and parcel of the reading experience for many people, it is not for others. Some prefer to keep their books pristine, which is their choice. When you lend your books out, however, not everyone is going to respect that choice.
Again, accidents do happen, but some people are not inclined to treat new books they’ve borrowed like historical artefacts no matter how many times you encourage them to be delicate. You have to know that if you lend someone your book, the likelihood of it coming back in a different condition if it does return is high, and again, decide whether this is something that you’re okay with. If it’s not, don’t even bother trusting anyone with your books.
Your Friendship May Not Survive
Most of this post is to be taken with a grain of salt, but I am deadly serious when I say that sharing your property with friends can become a point of tension in your friendship. If you know that having your belongings respected and treated in a specific way is important to you, you should probably save yourself the heartache and learn how to say ‘no’ when friends ask to borrow your books.
While you may see it as a big deal that your friend has not read the book they borrowed from you six months ago and are too busy to get to it or get it back to you any time soon, they may think nothing of it. For them, it may be strange that you care so much about one book among the dozens or hundreds you own. Unfortunately for you, while you’re allowed to care about that book, there is also nothing you can do to force them to give it back, and you should not. So, if you want to avoid the potential loss of a friend thanks to a book, I’d be careful about lending them out in the first place.
The reasons you should not lend your books to friends may seem quite grave, but it’s just a reminder that everyone is different and what’s important to you does not have to be important to someone else and can be hard to understand. Rather than relying on an unspoken contract when it comes to lending out your books, make sure you are clear about what you are looking for from whomever you lend your books to. Or, alternatively, only lend out the books that you don’t mind getting a little bit battered. Remember though, it is not your responsibility to provide your friends with books, so you should not feel pressured to lend them to anyone unless you truly feel you’re okay with that.
Do you lend your books to friends? If so, why? If not, why not?
Read 'N Riot 