I’m Not a Fan of the Fated Mates Trope

Could you resist the pull of someone who was fated to be in your life? Would you want to? Well, it wouldn’t really be up to you, would it?

As romance readers, we all have our most and least favourite tropes, and I’ve been exploring mine in the hopes of working out exactly what I like when it comes to romance. One of my least favourite tropes is Fated Mates. Often found in romances with shifters—beings who can change into more than one form—the fated mates tropes has both intriguing and unsatisfying qualities, and I will discuss both in this post. But first, we must be clear on definition.

What is the Fated Mates trope?

The fated mates trope usually occurs in romance and refers to when a couple (or sometimes multiple people) have been bound together by fate. Whether through touch, sight, scent or other mystical means, the characters can usually sense a deep connection between them even if they have never previously met. It is typically treated as an all-consuming experience in which the fated couple may only have eyes for one another. This trope is common in the paranormal, fantasy or sci-fi genres.

Some examples would be the imprinting that happens in Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, or more recently the existence of mates in the Crave series by Tracy Wolff.

What is there to like about fated mates?

Even as a self-proclaimed hater, I can see what there is to enjoy about the ‘mates’ trope. First is the dynamic it creates between characters. Often mates appear in fantasies with physically and mentally strong characters occasionally in the middle of battles and wars. These strong characters are made powerless to the allure of their mate. A lot of people appreciate romances in which love interests lose their stony exteriors in the face of their new, gooey feelings.

Additionally, watching characters attempt to resist their attraction is another great lure for romance readers. The primal need to be with someone versus the personal desire to resist them, which may not turn out to be as strong, creates much-needed tension between the characters, feeding into a crucial aspect of romance.

Finally, a lot of people believe mates, like soulmates, to be a romantic notion. The idea that one person (or potentially more) exists to be with you and only you, to complete you, is a beautiful thought, even though it might seem a bit overwhelming. The fated mates trope suggests that when you find someone, you will truly know you are meant to be together, and this kind of unconditional desire can be quite comforting. The diversion from reality, which is filled with uncertainty, infidelity, and unfulfilling romance, makes it an appealing trope for fiction.

What is there NOT to like about fated mates?

For a lot of people, ‘fate’ is already a big enough problem with the existence of mates. The very definition of fate makes it clear that events are ‘out of a person’s control’, or ‘predetermined by a supernatural power’. Wrapping your head around the idea that some things are meant to happen can be hard if you believe in free will and believe it cannot exist alongside fate. Can something ever be your choice if it must happen for a higher purpose? I don’t want to get too philosophical in this post, but it can be a real downer to support the line of thought that the choices you make may not be fully your own and believe that to be romantic.

My reason for disliking this trope is that no matter where the reveal happens in the story, it can be underwhelming. Often, an author will do all the work of setting up a wonderful slow burn (or at least not insta-love) romance for two characters only to undermine all their hard work when they discover that they would have had a connection either way because guess what? They’re soulmates. I find that disappointing as a romance arc, as it makes me question how genuine their feelings could have been if they were dictated by some supernatural lure.

Alternatively, when the characters instantly know about their connection, then proceed to try and fail to fight the bond between them, it just drives this previous point home. They could not stay away from one another if they tried because they are fated to be together, not necessarily because that’s what they want. When it comes to fated mates, too much of the love or connection between the two characters already exists. I’m not a fan of the instant connection. I would much rather watch characters learn to love each other than learn to accept the love that already exists between them.

Finally, this isn’t necessarily the main issue for me, but a lot of people don’t like reading about shifters such as werewolves or supernatural beings such as vampires that blend an animalistic nature with a human form. As these are the characters who usually experience mating bonds, if you’re not a fan of reading about them, chances are you won’t enjoy the fated mates trope either as it can rely a lot on lore.

To conclude, I don’t think the Fated Mates trope is terrible. It has a lot of appeal in the tension department, and it can be cute, it’s just not one of my favourites. The most important thing to remember is that we read fiction mostly as a form of escape, and if escaping into a world where love is unconditional and there is a perfect match out there for each person appeals to you, there is nothing wrong with that.

What do you think of the fated mates trope?